IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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