Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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