Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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