Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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