Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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