you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
