She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
