first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
