Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
