and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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