i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
