Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
