Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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