I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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