I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
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I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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