with your own penis?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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