I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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