I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
