She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
soo... how was my night?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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