is your mom at the bar?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
