Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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