Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize