Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize