I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
