We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
