I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
True college students do jello shots in the library
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
