Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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