we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
