this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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