i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
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She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
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just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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