TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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