He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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