I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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