only if we run a train.
done.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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