There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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