life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize