So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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