You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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