She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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