Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
