I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Don't make out with my wife yet
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
