I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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