marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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