Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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