Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
