Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
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i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want nice things and good sex
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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