Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
