Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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