i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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