I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
