Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
