Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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