Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
