I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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