He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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