I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
