he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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