a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i love accidental penises.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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