I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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