New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
