Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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