I'm gonna have a badass scar
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
