why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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