i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
