Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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