That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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