is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
