And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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